LIFE
by zealot1138
Summary: RenjixIchigo oneshot. Soft yaoi. Rated for language. Slightly AU. Abarai Renji is sent on a mission to recruit one Kurosaki Ichigo post mortem. But when he gets too close to his case subject, does Renji jeopardize his mission or his heart?


RenIchi AU

_Case File:  
Kurosaki, Ichigo.  
15 years old  
student at Karakura High School  
Mission: __Ignore__**Recruit**_

I can't help but sigh. Who knows how fuckin' long this mission is gonna take. The kid's fifteen. But I guess if they got me started, it can't be too long. I can see all of... what's this town again? I open the file and close it again. Karakura town. It's nice. Modern but quaint. Not like Tokyo or summat.

I look down at my outfit and figure it's not too bad: black tee, dark blue jeans, grommetted black leather belt, and some cool kicks. Oh, right, the wings. Sigh. I guess I'll collapse 'em after I get off this building. I'm close enough ta the place so I can finish his file and walk over ta get this project underway.

_Kurosaki Ichigo, having been born with naturally orange hair, has been teased and bullied since he was a young boy.  
During his early years, he cried about it but always felt protected by warmth he found within his mother's arms.  
However, one day, his mother was murdered while trying to protect him at the riverside where Ichigo was playing.  
To this day, the killer has never been found.  
That day forged Ichigo into another being - one without expression of happiness, without fear, and without a desire to let anyone into his heart._  
_He expressed his emotions through his fists, but in the name of protecting his family and friends.  
He gained his best friend Chad who helped protect him from older school bullies, and Ichigo repaid that debt by fending off a gang of ruffians who teased Chad for his quiet and non-combative ways.  
_  
So, where does my tale really begin? It would have to be the moment I find this young boy lying in the grass by the riverbank where his mother had passed away. It seems he would skip school every year to spend time at this sad place to remember his mother. At least, that is what he told me, when he looked up at me.

"Yo." He said the syllable confidently as chocolate brown eyes stared up at me. He then started to laugh at my expression.

I faltered. "Y-ya can see me?" Uh, this wasn't in the file.

"Yeah," he said, sitting up so the sun wasn't in his eyes so much. "Don't worry. I can see spirits. It's not that big a deal anymore."

"Ah. I see." I pondered about the oddness of the situation, and the even odder apparition I see sitting before me. "Mind if I sit with you?"

He shrugged. "Suit yourself. Not like I can stop ya."

"Yer a student, right?" I ask. Another shrug. "Shouldn't ya be in school?"

"Tch. What's it to you, 'cause I know you ain't a narc."

He glances away with a slight scowl. I gotta admit, it's kind of cute. "Call it curiosity." Of course I already know, but I wait to see what he tells me - the truth or to fuck off.

"It's the day my mom died." He looks back at me but I don't react. "'s funny. I never talk about this with anyone else. Not even my dad or my little sisters." Then he does that sort of half-smile before saying, "But I guess you don't count since you're already dead." He thinks he's being snarky.

I think he's getting even cuter by the second. So, I tousle that crop of orange hair and laugh when he swats my hand away.

"What the fuck! Where do you get off touching my hair."

I laugh. "Sorry. Just had ta after your lame, 'gee, you're dead' joke." He glares but before he can speak, I cut him off, "For what it's worth, I'm sorry about yer mom."

He shrugs again, but brings his knees up, wrapping his arms around his legs as he rests his forward on his knee caps, emitting a soft sort of rumble. I let the silence surround us for a bit.

A muffled, "'s not like y... ve.. ..y busi... ..ng 'bout... hai..."

"Come again? I can't understand mush mouth speak, ya know." I'm grinnin' widely now, something I haven't done in eons.

"I SAID it's not like anyone like YOU have any business talking about weird colored hair when yours is like blood red. Is THAT natural? And since you're gonna be a jerk about things, what's with the weird eyebrows and marks all over your forehead. Any place you ain't got tattoos?" I notice his eyes are going down my neck to my arms below the short sleeve length of my black t-shirt. I wait till he looks up at my face again.

"Tch. Wouldn't YOU like to know?" I give him my best wolfish grin, arching one eyebrow, as he turns beet red. I haven't had this much fun riling someone up and he is just too easy. Never thought this assignment might be fun. "And lay off 'bout the hair. Like ya said, someone like YOU should know it might be a bit of a sore point." To which I am a bit sensitive about my hair.

"Way do you keep it so long anyway?" I wait a beat. Here is comes. "Don't people think it makes you look like a girl?"

I give him a sidelong glance before turning away ta face the river in front of us. "No one's ever mistaken me for a girl before." I turn back ta look him square in the eyes, "Do I look like a girl ta ya?" I lean in closer.

He gulps. Too cute. I lean back. "So," I say, "Ya've been awf'lly chatty and ya haven't even wanted to know my name. Don't ya think that's weird? Or 'rude' at worst?"

He shrugs. "Hadn't really thought about it. I don't usually spend too much time talking to spirits in a casual way. I ask the kids, but most of the adults are just too scared or too sad to bother telling me. So I stopped asking."

"S'alright. The name's Abarai Renji." I already know, but I ask, "And yer?"

"Kurosaki Ichigo." He gets up, dusting off his behind for grass bits. I can't help but stare a little too long at that behind, encased in too tight jeans. Um, are my cheeks gettin' warm?

"So, uh, Ichigo... I'm new ta this place. Ya up to showin' me around? 'S not like yer goin' back to school at this hour, right?" I stand up and run my hand through my hair, checking for tangles. I do this when I'm nervous, but he doesn't know that, so it's cool.

He shrugs. "Sure. Why not. You hungry?"

"Cool," I lie. I haven't had to eat since I can't remember but he doesn't need to know that either.

So, I do something I've never done b'fore - I spend time with the person I've been sent ta recruit. N'ver had ta deal with this b'fore, but the kid's so damn cute, I figure what the hell in gettin' ta know the guy 'fore the big day - his last day on Earth. 's not like he's gonna know and it's not like I can stop it. Even if I wanted ta.

Then, hangin' out for a day turned into a week. Then four weeks turn into three months. We sometimes just sit at the park - on occasion I've gone with him to watch his spunky sister play soccer. She's pretty good, in case yer wonderin'. I follow him into the movies - he jokes that it's cool 'cause he doesn't have to pay fer me. We stopped goin' to food places, at least fer my sake, since he understood I don't eat or drink. I like the way this coffee thing smells, but s'not like I can taste it. I like watching Ichigo drink it, though. Er... oh right. Our routine. I stretch my wings when he's in school so I don't get cramps and he doesn't see 'em. I meet up with him when he's done with class and then after he's had dinner with his family. I'd even gotten to sneaking into his bedroom. Don't get any idears - we just hang. He lets me read some books while he studies. I ask him questions about this current era and he tells me the facts inb'tween tellin me ta shut up so he can study. I guess I see it as bein' a moot point in learnin' more 'cause he ain't gonna need it in a few... Huh. I thought a few days, maybe a coupl'a weeks, but we're already passing month three. Did they get it wrong? Tch. They never get it wrong. Shit. I'm runnin' my hand through my hair again.

Fuck. Ichigo's watchin' me. He's actually watching my hair slip from my fingers as they fall back past my shoulders and down my chest and back. Shit. Those chocolate brown eyes make me feel... they make me **feel**.

"What's wrong now?," he asks.

"Huh? Whaddya mean?"

"You only do that when you're nervous."

Shit. I swallow. Hard. "Ya noticed that?"

He turns around in the swivelly chair ta face me now. "Duh, jackass. I'm not blind. Every time you get all uncomfortable, you do that thing with your hair and then your feet get all shufflly and you don't look at me for a while."

He leans forward and his hand is coming towards me. I'm thinking what the fuck but I freeze. His finger pushes against my forehead and down my cheek as he brushes aside my hair to tuck it behind my ear. FUCK. He's still leanin' towards me. I hold my breath.

"I thought we were friends... that maybe you could tell me things. I tell you lots of things, but I feel like you still hold back." He leans back into his chair as I exhale. I'm relieved, and yet, disappointed he moved away.

"Ya think we're friends?," I ask, what is that in my voice, hope?

He's standin' in a blaze of fury which totally shocks the hell outta me. "What the fuck! Is this some sorta game to you!"

"Whoa, Ichigo! Calm down!" I grab his shoulders. He's furious and I'm not sure why but touchin' him like this gives me the shivers. I clear my brain for a sec and try to focus on what the hell's got him all riled up. Ah. "Oi, that came out all wrong! Of course we're friends. What I meant's, ya consider me yer friend?" I drop my hands away from his shoulders and grab both his hands in each of my own. I bring them up and pull them to my chest. "I'm glad ya think of me as yer friend."

His eyes soften and for some reason, it makes me feel like my heart is breakin'. I gotta get the fuck outta here. "Ichigo, I gotta go." I stride for the windowsill. Fast.

"Wait! Renji! I'm sorry I freaked out. You don't have to go, do you?"

God, those eyes. What the fuck have I gotten m'self into? "Nah, I mean, it's cool. **We're** cool. But, I hafta go take care of somethin', and ya got homework and stuff." I want to kick myself for this, but I can't stop my feet. I'm cupping his face so I can drink in those eyes. "Can we pick up here tomorrow after yer outta school?"

He relents and smiles - that real smile I've only seen him give me once in a blue moon. "Yeah. Ok. That's cool." There is a slight blush of pink that floods across his cheeks and even across the bridge of his nose. I'm holdin' my breath again. Fuck if it ain't **really** time to go.

I make a turn for the window but am slowed for a second. When did his hand get to my waist? Fuck. He lets go, and I try not to let that bother me. That's right, throw that thought right outta m'head. Sigh. "Ok, tomorrow afternoon." I hop out the window and spread my wings to glide away. I turn my head to watch him and he's just lookin' at me with wide eyes. I start to wonder what he's thinkin' then there's that smile again (twice in one evening!) and I watch until he closes the window. I start to soar upwards, feelin' pretty good right 'bout now. The night is gettin' cooler but it's clear and the moon is full. I take a deep breath and wait until tomorrow.

-------------

This is the kind of shit that reminds me why I do what I do. Life is nothing but a bunch of shit we wade through - there's nothing good about it. One day, yer on top a'the world and the next yer nothin' but a fuckin' bag of flesh and bones that some living bags of flesh and bones think it's worth puttin' ya into the ground for all kinds of money that your sorry life is tryin' ta earn ta put away somebody who can't give two shits about a pine box versus the deluxe velvet lined one. So why the rant?

Ichigo didn't show up at the usual spot outside the doors to his last class. I decide to walk onto the school grounds to see what's keepin' the kid thinkin' maybe he's still mad at me from the night before after all. I usually ignore the other live 'uns but there's a bunch of 'em and they seem to be makin' a lotta noise. The tighter the crowd gets, I start hearin' a bunch of screamin' girls and cryin', so I start runnin' fer it.

I stop short. That tall kid that was in Ichigo's file, Chad, is kneelin' on the ground. There's also a girl with long orange hair, a girl with short spiky black hair, and a thin kid with glasses. I already know, but I walk forward anyway. I'm here for a mission, right? I gotta see it through, alright?

I've seen it all since I started this gig of recruitin' the dead. Everythin' from gunshots to accidents to serial killer victims. But nothing has made me FEEL in hundreds of years as the sight before me.

Ichigo is lying on his back, school shirt stained with red that is only growing in size across the white cotton. His left arm is pointin' at an angle it shouldn't, and his right leg is crumpled beneath his thigh. His right arm looks normal, arm bent at the elbow with his hand close to his cheek, as if he'd lean his head on the top of his fist, waiting for me to hover over him. I can barely hear him speak as his voice cuts through the small pocket of silence around this immediate circle.

"Guys, can you give me some breathing room," he croaks out. "I need some air..." His entourage all nod silently and start to move away about a foot from him. Chad is the last to move. I feel his eyes on me, but I don't care if he can see me or not, since I can only see Ichigo.

"Hey." It's a whisper so I kneel down to be closer to him. "I waited for ya."

"Ichigo... what... happened?" I shouldn't be askin'. It's not s'ppose ta matter how he dies - I need to be there when it does. That's my mission, right?

"These guys... from t'other... schoo..."

"Ichigo, don't speak. It's too much." My eyes start to blur.

"I need... to tell you... Ren..ji." He closes his eyes which makes my heart glitch for a second but he starts to speak again. "I saw you last night..."

"Yeah, I know, ya dummy." I'm tryin' to be myself. For him. "I was there last night, remember?" I'm smilin'. I think. I'm pretty sure.

"No, you... ass. I saw you... Fly."

SHIT. That's right - I fuckin' flew away from him!

"The guys... today... I could've... fought. But. I didn't. I didn't mind if I had to die." God, those eyes. "... 'cause, it meant... I could be with you, Renji." My eyes can barely make out that smile I love so.

"Ichigo, ya don't understand." Fuck. I realize he thinks I'm an angel. How much more fucked could I have made this for myself. For **him**. I haven't felt hate in a long time neither. And right now, I hate myself to the core.

"Renji, it's my choice.... I let 'em push me across the rail." I finally regain the strength to look him in the eyes. "I feel... like I can't feel much... now..."

I grab his hand as gently as I could. I don't want him ta leave without someone ta hold him close.

"Renji?"

"Yeah, Ichigo?"

"I've never... been kissed... before... Will you... be my first... before I go?" There are no furrows in his brows and those chocolate eyes are wide, but the light is starting to fade.

"Ya don't even need ta ask." I lean over and press my lips ta his. I open my mouth slightly, 'cause if this is the end, I want ta taste him once, even if it's completely wrong of me ta want that. His lips part and our tongues touch lightly. He tastes like I knew he would in my mind - sweet.

"'bye, Ren..." I lift my head to see his eyes close. I hear a scream from behind me, but it doesn't register. I don't want ta leave, even though I know his soul has left and I gotta wait for it ta materialize. Right now, the hand I'm clingin' ta is nothin' but a bag a flesh 'n bones. But I don't wanna let him go.

I wait till the people in white come ta put him on the rolling bed 'n into the truck. At this point, I know it's the time his family and friends'll need ta be with him. I still have a mission to finish. Somehow, I got a good sense of where he'll materialize. I spread my wings and take off. I want ta get there 'fore he does so he won't be alone. I haven't bother'd to fly this fast in years.

-----

It seems odd that the day is so damn sunny and gorgeous on my most miserable day. Typical of how shit life is, eh? Tch.

I sit still, wings spread out since it don't matter no more, and watch the sun set. It's pretty fuckin' gorgeous. Another kick ta the groin, in my mind. Tch.

Then, the light b'fore me starts to haze. I stand up in anticipation.

"Hi, Renji. It's been a while."

"Dumbass. It's only been a few hours, Ichigo."

I walk over ta give him a hug. He's wearin' nothin' but that cream colored tunic, but I think he looks amazin'. As my arms cross over his shoulders, he hugs me low on my waist. I rest my chin on top of that orange mop and breath him in. Again - sweet. My chest aches. None of this is right or fair. All shit I know, but I fuckin' hate it anyway.

"Renji, are you going to take me with you now?" He tilts his head back ta look up at me, and I look down into those chocolate brown eyes I love so. They're the same except brighter - clearer. I can't seem ta breathe anymore.

"Yeah. I'm supposed ta recruit ya, as they call it." I have ta pull away before I finish this thought. "But I ain't gonna do it. Not this time. Not ta ya." I take a breath and turn back to look at him. My hand is halfway through my hair as I stop myself. That look - I've never seen that look from him b'fore. It's blank.

"You - won't - take me with you?"

"Ichigo, I can't! Ya don't underst-"

"I love you, Renji! I thought, maybe, you loved me too. Was I wrong?" His eyes are full of hurt but a tad hopeful. I want ta kill myself. I would if I could.

Ichigo, I love ya more than I love this stupid eternal existence. More than the simple little life I once liv'd way back when. But I don't say any of stuff that 'cause I want him to be safe.

"Ichigo," I say aloud, "didncha notice? My wings are Black. That means I don't work for tha good guys, ya know?"

He looks down, shuffling his feet. Gee, I wonder where he picked that up from.

"I did notice. But I didn't care what it meant because I wanted to be with you, wherever you might be from."

I feel like I'd been punched in the gut. "Well, ya can't be with me. I can only recruit ya for the dark side. And that's the thing, Ichigo. It's called recruitin' for a reason. Ya got a choice! Ya don't have to follow the path I was supposed to lead ya down. If ya wait a year, and avoid recruiters like me, the good guys'll come fer ya." I have to grab him by the shoulders to make sure he reads me clearly. "Please, wait fer the good guys. 'cause that is what ya deserve. Ya deserve the best, ya got that?"

"So, that's it? You can just walk away from me?" The hurt is gone from his eyes. He looks up and all I see is anger. Fury. God, it hurts to be on the receivin' end of that glare, but I deserve it - and more. But I want him ta have it good from now on.

"Even if I wanted, I can't take ya, ok? Even if I recruited ya, I can't be with ya. I don't know how I got this gig, but I ended up in this weird place on Earth without bein' alive and I'm supposed ta recruit. I've never NOT gotten a recruit ta side with me, so I don't even know what it's gonna mean fer me with ya, but fuck if I let ya go ta hell, alright?" Shit. My wings are spread out. I ferget it gets like that when I get pissed off.

Ichigo walks over to stand in front of me. "I just need to know this. If you could take me with you, so that we could be together, would you?"

This is selfish, but I don't fuckin' care no more. "Fuck yeah." I grab his face and pull him towards me for a kiss. Our lips press harder this time and he's the one tryin' ta gain access inside my mouth to which I let him have it all. Our tongues entwine and taste and feel inside the warm wet caverns. He's a fast learner.

We pull back taking in deep breaths. "Ya sure ya never kissed till earlier today?" I give him my wolfish smile. I want to see him smile. And there it is.

"Yeah, jackass. This is my first kiss."

I scratch the back of my head. "Uh, don't ya mean second?"

He takes a swipe at my head and I'm surprised it actually connects. He laughs. "It's my first as a non-living person, dumbshit."

I'd normally have a smartass comment to throw back at 'im, but I don't feel like it right now. "Promise me ya'll wait for the good guys, 'k?"

He nods slowly as I pull him into a tight hug. I don't want ta let 'im go, but I gotta. For his sake. "And ya'll remember I said it could take a up ta a year?"

A muffled, "yeah."

"And ya'll stay away from others like me, right?" Part of me says this for his safety. Part of me knows it's 'cause I'd be fuckin' jealous and would try and kill the fuck who tries to recruit him.

"Yeah. I promise." He pulls away from me and we stand a foot apart.

"Goodbye, Kurosaki Ichigo."

"Goodbye, Abarai Renji."

With that, we both turn opposite directions and walk away. I steel m'self so I don't turn to look at him, but as I take flight, I can't help but look under me as I soar higher. He's walking way and not turning to look back. I think to myself that that is a good thing. But my heart breaks just a little bit.

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

It's been nine months since so I decide ta return to Karakura town. I figure somebody ought ta keep up Ichigo's tradtion to visit the riverbank on the day that Ichigo normally woulda. I figure he'd have gone ta the other side, the good side, by now. His soul was too good and too pure ta be ignored for long. I miss him. More with each passing day. But I'm happy fer 'im. I just hate myself that much more for missin' him so damn much.

I retract my wings to sit more comfortably. It's 'bout the same time I came upon him that day but I figure I'll stay till sunset. Seems fittin' since that was the time a day we left each other. It really was a gorgeous sunset then. I fuckin' hate life.

"You're so predictable, Renji. How'd ya end up having a job for this long, eh?"

I jump to my feet at the sound of that voice. There's no way!

"Yo."

It's really him! "Ichigo!" Then I get mad. "What the fuck are ya doin' here!" I storm over ta him and grab at the front of his shirt.

"Get off me, you jerk! What gives you the right to tell me what I can and can't do anyway!" He grabs my hand and twists it out of his shirt and then starts ta smooth out the wrinkles.

Gee, ain't he all calm and cool. And he looks pretty good in that tight white tee and them tight white jeans. Oi! Get a grip. "Why haven't ya gone over yet? It's been nearly a year. Ain't no way they'd not have noticed ya by now!"

"Calm down, Renji. Sheesh." He gives me that cocky grin I haven't seen in a while. It always makes me grin back in response. Shit. How does he do that ta me so easily.

He continues with, "I **did **cross over. But I worked something out with them."

My eyes go wide. "What're ya talkin' about?" I start ta get a little pissed. He ain't makin' any sense.

Ichigo gives me that cocky grin but it gets even wider. He crosses his arms over his chest and then these wings start to spread from behind him. These glorious White wings. My jaw dropped. I'm surprised it didn't fall the hell off.

"I'm a recruiter too. For the good guys." He gives those beautiful wings a big flap and a shake. "You know what this means, eh, Renji?"

"We get ta be together," I ask. It might have come out as a whisper, but I say it came out as a solid question.

"No, you idiot! It means we get to battle for who can get the most recruits!" He starts to laugh. At me.

Instead of being pissed off at bein' made fun of, I'm actually feelin' a bit... hurt, is it? I start doin' the thing with my hand in my hair again until I feel Ichigo's hand on mine.

"Dummy. 'course it means we can be together. I asked them to give me eternal purgatory on Earth so I can be with you. It's all I ever wanted." He looks up with those beautiful crystal clear chocolate brown eyes. I hadn't realized just how much I missed 'em. Missed him.

Even before I think ta do it, he is kissing me. I've never felt so happy in my life - alive or dead. "Ichigo... I love ya." I cup his face in my hands.

"I know." He gives me a soft peck. "And I love you, Renji."

"Ya know, I'm gonna beat yer ass in the scores department. After all, I got eons of experience over ya." I give him my best wolfish grin, even though I can't stop smilin' like an idiot.

"Tch. You're already down by one, you know."

"What the hell ya talkin' 'bout?" Kid's delusional.

"Um, me? Remember? That's one recruit you already lost, Mr. Experience." He gives me that cocky grin. So I can't help but grab his ass.

"Then I'll hafta show ya where I really have some experience then, won't I my little _strawberry_. OW!" He really punched me. Heh.

"Don't ever call me that, ya red headed freak!"

"Aww, who's shy now!"

"What's that name got to do with being shy."

And without even knowing it, we held hands and sat by the riverbank until the sun set that day. Only then did I realize, maybe life ain't so bad.  
_  
FIN_


End file.
